Upon receiving numerous complaints from my gangymostas that they can;t post any comments in xanga, I have decided to close this site.....gasp!

Haha..and move back to livejournal

Here it's the link:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/_bubbleoque_/

Adios xanga!

I have no idea why on earth I called this person  to cry this afternoon. I really don't. We are not even close. Alright, I won't even cry to someone unless this person is very close to me. Today is an exception. As I was scrolling down my phone list, I have decided that this person is whom I need right at the moment. I scared the hell out of him. I am not this crying person to him at all. But I don't want any "it's okay-everything-will-be-fine type response" nor do I want any "oh man, wat-r-u-gonna-do type response." I just need this person to not say anything and let me cry and I know once I let it out, I will be fine. And this person has the ability to let me feel that even if the earth has crashed, who cares.

 I tried to let it go. I knew it all along. From the first try, I know it's never gonna happen. But I still tried it the 2nd time. I know it's still not gonna happen. But when I try it 10 times in one shot, and I still know it's never gonna happen, it's like a 10 full slaps on my face, telling me that, NO, it's not gonna happen. No matter how much stuff I have done, how hard I have tried and no matter how much they like me, it's still never gonna happen. The opportunities are just there for me to take them. They wanted me. But because I have been tagged all along, I have to give them up. Nice.

All those comforting words are nice. But these words are not gonna win over reality. They just let you to stay in your dreamland for a longer time. Perhaps I should follow Bertha's belief,  "Take life less seriously or you will never get out of it." 

I have some thinking to do as for now. Go on or screw it. How I wish to decide on the latter. And because life goes on, I have to be strong, I believe the next time I come back, it will be a less angry entry. Screw everything.        

I stayed in lab till one-ish am last night working on my powerpoint presentation that im gonna present to the lab group and my computing homework. Surprisingly, I did not feel tired at all. Nor drained. I just want to keep going and going everyday. I have been called crazy...insane...nuts...perhaps I am. I dunno whether Im doing all these to proof something to myself , to someone, or for self satisfaction. All I know is that time keeps running out for me. Im not those smart ppl who get things right away. I have to spend double the time to do my stuff ( sometimes it really sucks) haha, but once you get the end product, it's amazing how much you can do by yrself. Or perhaps, my expectations for myself are too high or that i have too much pride to fail. But sometimes, I would wonder what my life would be if I have set my priorites differently. Maybe life will be easier, maybe life will be boring. Upon just saying this, I realized that it's indeed true that you can only lead you life once and never have any regrets. For 21 years, I think I would say, I do have regrets and I will prob never have the chance to do that something that I think I might wanna do or to reverse a situation. But that's life, I still have to go on. Life goes on and on. I still trying to live out of my memories. Im making progress but it's very slow. But I will live. Nothing is gonna kill me. If a person is that easily defeated, then that person can never succeed in life.

Haha, I dunno why i digress to this issue. I was about to talk about someone! So enough of those mishy mushy toks. Today, the person Im gonna talk about is Anthony. Yesterday made me realize "wow". I know he is nice all the time but it was just "wow" haha. I thought he is a "watever" guy who does not care about much stuff but he is infact very daddyish. He msged me on aim asking me why I had to stay in lab till 10ish at night. But when he realized that Im still in lab past midnight, he started yelling at me. For one hour, he is trying to make me agree for him to come pick me up. But as stubborn as I was, I did not let him. He said he would slap me if he was there with me. ( Sometimes i wish someone would slap me too) He said im nuts. He said he would ask siem to knock some sense out of me. Haha...thanks anthony. It was very nice of him. haha...like the last entry, he would not be able to read this. So, I am able to talk bout him, and thank him without being all .....i can;t think of the right word. haha. Thank you. This is why I dun give my journal website to anyone i noe...it's only for those people whom i dun feel embarrassed when they read my personal and random toks. haha...When i was all tired and brainfrozen yesterday, u made me smile :)

and my dear evelyn..ok..im juz trying to delay time going to another class *_*..hee.....dear evenlyn is a funny gal..haha..but i have been neglecting her since the longest time. And I have to say, sorry dear. She thinks i hate her, but i don't! haha, I just have been neglecting everyone. I dunno if this is good or not. But I just have too much pride to ask other ppl for help. So in the end, I have to do everything and learn everything by myself. Maybe it's not pride. It's juz I have problems. I won;t strike a conversation with other people and thus they wun strike a conversation with me. So as time goes by, I got used to doing all those work by myself. It's hard. But i will live. So far, things are going alright...i guess...:) so slap me, i deserve some spankings.

I really miss daddy. Till it aches